Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
