you would pick up someone in the library
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
