my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
