I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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