You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
