Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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