i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
