Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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