Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
