if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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