This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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