i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
