i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
