Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
