I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
