just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
