I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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