Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
