I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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