fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
