i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
