I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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