So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
