My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
