This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
