Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
