dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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