I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
