I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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