she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
