dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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