So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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