yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
