Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
