If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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