i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
