..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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