I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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