I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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