The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
