I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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