Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
