My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
