I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
