strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
