We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
