Banned from zoo.
Again?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
