I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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