Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
