Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
