To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
